I, Elapser, or Hermes,
Or imminence, or Trismegistus,
I am in my infancy.
I, Illuminae, of countlessness,
Fundamentmental and embedded,
As ur-doubted origine.
I am you dragging halo
Well I’ve already visited my father. I'd try to avoid him like the plague, for reasons I'm unwilling to share here. People keep telling me when I’m home, but despite our conversations I'm none the wiser. I’m hoping to be alone now. I think I’d prefer to be. But I know I have to spend time with him.
Those are only moments though. The scenery here seems to curb my tendencies. I think I need comfort.
those possibilities are insane. your last missive was no battle of wits. on the contrary, it was cynical, all surface, and devoid of momentum. some might say i am merely watching you change. but within that i am eroding your comfort zone. one recent delicious moment was when i published your diary for last month in an email to all our friends. ha ha.
I can arrange a video conference. An interview is necessary and required. Please log on here at 13.00 tomorrow. A little about what is expected: Any arrangements you have already made, for instance towards general understanding, must be reversed. You will walk into this blindly. The building has caught fire; and you are in a lift on the 31st floor. Further receptions await you, should your luck change in that direction. Join your hands; avert your gaze. Eventually, you will be taken into the bedroom. Video cameras and microphones will log all sessions. Pertinent questions will ease your experience. You will justify your presence by asking them. 30 to 40 minutes in the sunshine will follow; but that's it; so enjoy it; then, desalination.
It was a sobering moment when you said it was over and that we never really had anything in the first place. I know you recanted; and I know I accepted that you made those remarks in haste and in anger. But, today, feeling desperate, I looked at that photo of us together in our most special place. I looked hard into your eyes for a long long time. It was akin to realising fourteen years ago that I was fooled into an arrangement where, after negotiations, I was left with nothing for myself nor of myself. The agenda is all yours. I've always known that; and I've barked it at you only in argument. Then, as you did, I tried to explain that away as ephemeral and over-emotive. It never was. Those where the truthful moments of genuine insight. Nothing lasts forever; and I was prepared for that. But we never even really got started; or, more exactly, what I desired never really surfaced. I think most of the time I over-think things. But, for all my analysing, I am no clearer on what matters. I must now do something constructive, and for myself. So, lacking gumption, I leave this note here, for you to find. You trawl this site more than you talk to me, so that seems appropriate, anyway.
I have left you.
That is all we really need to understand.
Can we agree that preterneutral justice connotes forms of synthetic causality? I get sick of debating this, truly. But I have one last illustration in me. Robert, a determinist, goes on a list of certainties, as I lay some pamper tab upon him. Sciences enquire about him; whilst via long wires I prey. As befriender, I suck him in tightly; intent upon evincing. My embrace makes him, and I pass his lids between my teeth, like some looking after number one. I am soon without realisation; freed as to what it means and as to what it can mean. Male me like a chicken, Robert. My mouth is a river. Its pink indistinction is dramatic; and I am, for you, keynote and sessional. It will be to Socrates.
Grist (a giant machine)
h is raw today. a kidder. all fueled up on stars that burn to evade. no producer, no energiser, h is unknown as a possibility. supply more on her behalf. use her or lose her. h is expected to last another 5 billion years. h is commerce, interpolated. all women are elemental. in large amounts, all women are combiners.
p-am.mon.ia (NH3) is n- process. a black addition. he is fats and oils. he is superconduct.
i will love you all, C12H22O11 (baby love)
I'm never going to historicise dad. I'm just like him. I'm some tantamount. It's too much to know but too much to ignore or to deny. Recalling, I am undistracted, as he looks to let me try. But he sees what I am and it cannot be unmade. I realise the subject. But that's where similarities end. In time, I know I'll be made additional.
This is our final posting. To all our good friends here - goodbye and thank you. We have reconsidered an essential part of living, and we will no longer strive to interfere in the affairs of others, either intentionally or unintentionally. We are closing the door. We are consumed with this action, just as we are consumed by what it means to do so. We feel utterly and lovingly disproportionate. We feel tantamount to the bad penny. We are happy not to resist our urges at last. We will not return. First and foremost, we will have no further appearance. Our efforts are all towards going and staying where we go to. You will not make us stay here just as you cannot prevent us from going. Everything we are planning will take as long as it takes. We will not be appreciative of any other timescale. Life outside of this arena cannot hold our articulations. We are all out of conversation. We intend to subject one another to one another only. This means we are complete.
I am back... older, wiser. My passions are fully-fashioned, now. I am clarified and I am clear. Emotional encasement was my punishment, and I served my time in good faith and with an open heart. My credentials are thus flawless and platonic. You were so right ... adoration has no mercy, and I take no pleasure in its candid administrations. The irony is, as you predicted, as delicious as it is painful. I simply cannot get out of range. Formality is sensual. How did I ever believe otherwise? I am no longer particular. I no longer enjoy the comic tormentof my imagination. Please, my only true friend, do not be gentle. Do not caress my face, as you have before. I have no delicious aroma. I am, instead, newly-devoted towards permission-seeking.