Thursday, May 21, 2009

item #7005

Hello Ellen. Thank you for your lengthy email. Couple of days of silence. I was beginning to worry. So it was nice to hear from you. What you say partly perturbs me, however. Can I say that you need to understand that you are no longer an outsider. And no, you are not an animal, and I do not see you that way. Stop these histrionics, please darling. I simply want to get the best out of you, so I have to point such issues out to you, in the hope that you might understand and appreciate my good intentions. I know that we are somewhat fragile. It is, after all, early days. I know that our arrangement is neither unconditional nor immune from corruption. Yes, one man's utopia is another man's dystopia, and, given that, I think a few reductions are in order. Ok. Where should I start? Perhaps, I can tell you that I understand females better than females do themselves. Over twenty years ago, I was fortunate to be involved with an emotionally-secure lady nearing the end of her life. I looked after her whilst she was terminally-ill, and nursed her to her death. She had several complex conditions - which, in turn, and in concert, caused further awful complications. The others who looked after her never put perfume on her, nor any make-up or jewellery. They felt she had no need of it. I thought differently; I treated her like a human-being, and, moreover, like a lady. We fell in love, I think; and though it was never consummated and never formally stated, I believe it was an important and profound relationship for both of us, as intense as any I have ever known, all the better for being tacit, in fact. Nowadays, I live with the emotional fall-out from that earlier intensity, and I generally feel a distinct lack in things. With you it seems different. I get something of that same intensity. If I am honest, I fear I might be too conventional for you; and, in saying this here, I fear I might frighten you away, and ruin a good friendship. In my heart, though, I want and I need more. So I just have to say, and take a chance. What might I say to interest you? Should I admit that I would blindly follow you wherever you wanted to go? Should I say that I will never ask you to justify yourself? I feel that, in time and with some work, we might communicate properly, and grow closer. We are not like other people, I think. I get such a sense of something special from you. We could live the alternative lifestyle you say you crave. Please, all I ask is that you think about it, and appreciate my efforts in telling you what's on my mind. Mark x


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