item #0040

Sally my own dearest darling, I think about the differing, plainly incompatible levels of * which exist between us, between our distinct positions, that is; and I think these alone produce your emotional meltdowns, almost as a byproduct. Just because I know this, though, doesn't mean I know what it means, nor what we can do about it. I am, by the way, perceiving these situations as a problem we need to surmount. Perhaps you think otherwise. I want a relationship, and I want that relationship to be with you. We began as acquaintances, and it's been a somewhat lazy, natural development. But, lately, as we've both agreed, things have intensified. I'm enjoying this new-found intensity; but with it comes a bit of fear - at least for me. I still want you as a friend, too - is one way of looking at it. We are, after all, best friends as well as would-be lovers. So, your latest crisis scared me - especially when you screamed 'I want off your *!' Everything paused, stopped. I became silent. I’m wondering how many more times you might say as much. Bad things... I'm frozen ... up against a wall ... unable to breathe.