item #4987

It was a sobering moment when you said it was over and that we never really had anything in the first place. I know you recanted; and I know I accepted that you made those remarks in haste and in anger. But, today, feeling desperate, I looked at that photo of us together in our most special place. I looked hard into your eyes for a long long time. It was akin to realising fourteen years ago that I was fooled into an arrangement where, after negotiations, I was left with nothing for myself nor of myself. The agenda is all yours. I've always known that; and I've barked it at you only in argument. Then, as you did, I tried to explain that away as ephemeral and over-emotive. It never was. Those where the truthful moments of genuine insight. Nothing lasts forever; and I was prepared for that. But we never even really got started; or, more exactly, what I desired never really surfaced. I think most of the time I over-think things. But, for all my analysing, I am no clearer on what matters. I must now do something constructive, and for myself. So, lacking gumption, I leave this note here, for you to find. You trawl this site more than you talk to me, so that seems appropriate, anyway.

I have left you.

That is all we really need to understand.

J