to susie sue west wales seeking similar ... you're right, rethinking my life is in order. i need a place i don’t know away from everything and everyone so that i can really reflect. at the moment that isn't possible. a fall remains to be seen. i feel it coming. cannot prepare though. just mysterious. but i feel it. most people i know are moving quietly in a narrow corridor. i may need some noise. i am not hearing and i need to be. who does not want to feel wanted and needed? but suspicion gets in the way. that an all the cynicism i see around me. once again my identify is in question no matter what i say here. i've gone as far as i can to prove myself. why keep mailing me telling me what i already know? that last leap is still far off. so i can only ask for your patience. that's if you are even interested. i feel that i am no closer to a conclusion. but i am sure the conclusion will make me happier when it comes. i will eventually decide, one way or the other. i'm already adjusting as far as i can. nothing i say here will change that. i know in my heart i am trying. when i choose the rest of my life i will be living the life i really want, not in parallels and halves like now. i just have to decide which will hurt the least to sever. if you contact me again can we talk about something else please? james