Thursday, January 08, 2009

item #0009

I have found food for thought in your community, even though I am not a part of it and never will be. Some of you have sought to provoke dialogue and other occurrences. So I will try to honour your efforts with a few basic ideas from my perspective.

Thank you for your concern, but I have survived the disaster I previously blogged. One of you knows my plight - for which, I can only thank you. My weakness is that I'm seduced by complete abandon, and that takes its toll. The other day I continued to proceed without caution, and, as a result, lots of self-doubt entered my mind. I admit I was so turned-on, as I took a long hard look at myself, and all the meaningless dialogue my indulgences prompted in good friends. I enjoyed the shame, but I kept it all secret. They inspired my inauthenticity with their comically-flawed discussions of selfishness. I tend to downplay, or even ignore, contemplations of that kind, and spitefully. I do list them, but just for fun. I couldn't live without overthrowing the commitments I've made so far, and acting as if I am doing it for the good of humanity itself. I find it frankly hilarious that some of you manage to believe in me. You're a bunch of conjoiners. (My own marriage can be read about elsewhere. But don't ask me for links. That's a whole other story.)

I am well aware that I am living so much easier that you are. Listing your details just averts my gaze and can only cause trouble. In my life, I'd be inclined to halve the lot of you. My ideas don't allow you any other option. In time, you'll find there's no other way to lead. As a wife and mother, I feel it is more important than the whole thing you are making happen here.

I'm not writing this as an epiphany. I'm just publicising a point of view, but privately.