Wednesday, January 07, 2009

item #8420

My dear Petr, I do admire you; and not just for your enormous courage, but for your insights, too. From time-to-time, I've also sought great knowledge, just like you; and I've gone to great lengths to be true, authentic, as you are doing now, sweetheart. You, though, are exceptional and enduring; qualities which I found lacking in myself. I am a better person now, I think, for knowing you. You have instilled in me possibilities and situations I could never have predicted; and fulfillment at your hands makes all the difference to me. My own experiences have left me weary, I have to say. That is why being part of your quest, being within you, as it were, sustains me so. I know we are not in love, but I feel very close to you in so many ways.

One thing, though, have you considered your experience as a mere instance in a sea of similar instances? For my own part, I never did divert my attention from the view that we are specks of weak light in an ever-darkening sky. Like anyone, to yourself, you're an important emblem, an insurmountable obstacle, an array of possibilities. That is the shape I see most. But I wonder if you can truly feel the feelings of another human-being if you retain control over your own mind and soul to the extent that you say you do. I feel so differently. I'm just a body, without internal direction, orientation. Though I did obtain a husband, I never felt connected to it. Severing that came as no challenge. One cut was all it took; over in an evening. I'm not directly responding, I know, but when I left him there, it was nothing current. You said at the time, or a little while later, I would have no place left. But that didn't happen. You've shown me that exploring such transitions might be called a living, but that by living that way I can only believe in learning and growth, rather than, as is preferable to me, a life of separate episodes.

I hope we can speak this evening.

Your Georgina x


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