aporia

I, Derrid Err, situ occult,
Possessive by-world,
As fragments.

I, Elapser, or Hermes,
Or imminence, or Trismegistus,
I am in my infancy.

I, Illuminae, of countlessness,
Fundamentmental and embedded,
As ur-doubted origine.

item #8333

Well I’ve already visited my father. I'd try to avoid him like the plague, for reasons I'm unwilling to share here. People keep telling me when I’m home, but despite our conversations I'm none the wiser. I’m hoping to be alone now. I think I’d prefer to be. But I know I have to spend time with him.

Those are only moments though. The scenery here seems to curb my tendencies. I think I need comfort.

item #8765

life without being fantasized about is what I seek. but has yet to materialise, as I have dreamed for. mean while i am no longer in a relationship, is cosensual, ok. i was in exploitation, a helpless one. my body is otherwise perfect, if you like augmented! several alterations not necessary, if you can accept on me. i can be your friend if i you like. love, ss

item #0011

Evidently, due to an untitled usury - age-old, malformed and discontent (or the blur, the paper-fold, the diatribulation) - I have to start with a capital letter. Effort ... and all in sunlight, too. Bother to read me; bother to in-read me. I am not boo hoo, through subtle, with my sexuality destroyed at a stroke. Who will I survive this time? My actual name starts with a capital letter. I don't need your consigns and self-making. Upon my ego, I wear my boots. (That concept, that construement, that spectral conversion.) Your non-acceptance, your way of thinking, is not so much beyond them, as mommy tells. The art of seduction seems to be missing.

What shame awaits? How nice it would be.

item #0075

I can no longer believe in finding what I'm looking for. To the extent that I desire, I have no real experience of other people. I cannot match your obvious fakery; nor can I match your differences. Lonely machines, why do you message me your cuts and pastes? I am all about ideation, actuality and so forth. I can never be yours. I will wait as my own. Dina

item #6007

those possibilities are insane. your last missive was no battle of wits. on the contrary, it was cynical, all surface, and devoid of momentum. some might say i am merely watching you change. but within that i am eroding your comfort zone. one recent delicious moment was when i published your diary for last month in an email to all our friends. ha ha.

item #0487

I can arrange a video conference. An interview is necessary and required. Please log on here at 13.00 tomorrow. A little about what is expected: Any arrangements you have already made, for instance towards general understanding, must be reversed. You will walk into this blindly. The building has caught fire; and you are in a lift on the 31st floor. Further receptions await you, should your luck change in that direction. Join your hands; avert your gaze. Eventually, you will be taken into the bedroom. Video cameras and microphones will log all sessions. Pertinent questions will ease your experience. You will justify your presence by asking them. 30 to 40 minutes in the sunshine will follow; but that's it; so enjoy it; then, desalination.

item #4405

Firstly, if anyone points me in the direction of employment, I'll be very grateful. It's been one hell of a few months here. I'm very grateful to *Anna Bears* - who's been a real friend during all that time, and I'm really sorry that it all went sour in the end :( Anyway ... on with the show, I suppose. I've been asked by my current partner to say a little about myself here. Before I get to the perfunctory descriptions, likes/dislikes, and what it is I am supposedly seeking, which this site demands, though, I want to cut to the chase a bit, and say something about my general outlook. Questions ... Is permanence for others? I'm all ultimata and he-will, like someone who sees commitment but not the bigger picture. I'm unwilling to work to reach the huge rewards of availability, but if you aren't ready for that then I am still able to talk to keep a broad perspective between us. ( Oh, how different people seem to do things, I always think to myself. ) But, that said, I cannot remember anything beyond the conversions, those feasible involvements, and their eventual approval. This accounts for my wrath, but it doesn't explain it. Blond, blue-eyed, 5'4, early 30s, professional.

item #0398

Hi! Thought I should scribble little bits here as I came in to check messages. If any of the people I chatted to before want to get back in touch then that's just great. I really would like to catch up with old friends. Just drop me a line or two. Here till 10pm. Thanks.

item #2006

i think all genuine people should make people prove there genuine even if it means it would be such an hard task. i just want to be happy like everyone else in this world. i have spoke to many people guess what not many of them are genuine. it saddens and anger's me that some people spoil what can be a wonderful thing. its very very sad or maybe its just not worth us being here. to all the genuine people out there take care and good look in finding what ever it is youre searching.

item #4987

It was a sobering moment when you said it was over and that we never really had anything in the first place. I know you recanted; and I know I accepted that you made those remarks in haste and in anger. But, today, feeling desperate, I looked at that photo of us together in our most special place. I looked hard into your eyes for a long long time. It was akin to realising fourteen years ago that I was fooled into an arrangement where, after negotiations, I was left with nothing for myself nor of myself. The agenda is all yours. I've always known that; and I've barked it at you only in argument. Then, as you did, I tried to explain that away as ephemeral and over-emotive. It never was. Those where the truthful moments of genuine insight. Nothing lasts forever; and I was prepared for that. But we never even really got started; or, more exactly, what I desired never really surfaced. I think most of the time I over-think things. But, for all my analysing, I am no clearer on what matters. I must now do something constructive, and for myself. So, lacking gumption, I leave this note here, for you to find. You trawl this site more than you talk to me, so that seems appropriate, anyway.

I have left you.

That is all we really need to understand.

J

item #6926

Proud so don't even ask. I own my time now, ever so much. It's woeful but worth it. I earned my self respect as well, but surprised myself in thinking she knew me better. Now I am alone again, after 18 years pretending. Mostly I smile, but hard lesson to learn. My sister is same. So is family thing we think. Friends were all fair weather. It's in my nature to notice that and be hurt by it, even though I predicted it over and over. She knows I'm in pieces. But we've moved on. I have no other choice. I do not share any more information. Domus

item #0629

Shit's increasing, piling up. End time. Oblivion near. My sick mum prophecies through me. Chalks on the walls. I turn up the volume, all for tribulation. Commission me on salvation. I leave behind explanation. Judgments instead. Recognize the deception. Or be deceived. Endure. Be prepared. You need to be saved.

item #2888

You shred history into a series of theoretical conveniences. I cannot take your medicine. I watch too much tv, you're right. And...? Too seldom I have attempted to multiply your possessions. I am no breadwinner. I have, instead, conquered the atom, with pills that do everything.

Dodo

item #7692

hi other women, by nature i vie to physiopsychological change in my life and times. is a crisis for me, after periods of moving away far away and in end of child-bears of 2 at age of 45 years. nothing prepares me. as woman i have to lead beyond suffering syndrome and a disease. i found associates in a menless society, and advisor for the hormonal. i took that cessation to not feel neglected. the age group increases. val

item #2299

prefer to approach than to initiate. have never really been one for online. real life for some reason interests me more. i don't have any qualms about it. i just sit back and wait to be found.

item #0044

Can we agree that preterneutral justice connotes forms of synthetic causality? I get sick of debating this, truly. But I have one last illustration in me. Robert, a determinist, goes on a list of certainties, as I lay some pamper tab upon him. Sciences enquire about him; whilst via long wires I prey. As befriender, I suck him in tightly; intent upon evincing. My embrace makes him, and I pass his lids between my teeth, like some looking after number one. I am soon without realisation; freed as to what it means and as to what it can mean. Male me like a chicken, Robert. My mouth is a river. Its pink indistinction is dramatic; and I am, for you, keynote and sessional. It will be to Socrates.

Grist (a giant machine)

item #2891

h is raw today. a kidder. all fueled up on stars that burn to evade. no producer, no energiser, h is unknown as a possibility. supply more on her behalf. use her or lose her. h is expected to last another 5 billion years. h is commerce, interpolated. all women are elemental. in large amounts, all women are combiners.

unlike others.

p-am.mon.ia (NH₃) is n- process. a black addition. he is fats and oils. he is superconduct.

i will love you all, C₁₂H₂₂O_{11 (baby love)}

item #5871

I'm never going to historicise dad. I'm just like him. I'm some tantamount. It's too much to know but too much to ignore or to deny. Recalling, I am undistracted, as he looks to let me try. But he sees what I am and it cannot be unmade. I realise the subject. But that's where similarities end. In time, I know I'll be made additional.

Victor

my last chance at the upbringer

item #5005

I'm not particular so this profile doesn't mean anything to me. The best way to find out about me is to message me and ask. I can be intimidating. I cannot be spoon fed. I might just be loved forever by being thus. I could clarify this by taking the time not to respond to your first message, waiting for others, to see if you are tenacious enough for me.

I am not a cautious person by nature. You will have to be.

Kyle

item #0881

Professional couple here, based Lincs., UK. We recently made contact with 'thought-God', based (poetically, we thought) in She-Is-Everything. Hopelessly, but unintended however, we have mislaid your contact details. We are not seeking to protract our correspondence, though. We just want to end a final note, in the hope you might be offered closure. Can we just say that it was frustration which built us, not, as you seemed to believe, K-Boom, Bang, Bang, all... fall... down... Dominion of that type, kind Hindu, is all thoughts and dreams; devoid, really, of weapons and Arabic measurements. Our American violence, with its sentimental and serpentine correctives, chromed and stainless, is the materialisation of our cross of fun. We feel more exactly like: blow... her... up... Here's the bottom-line: We are the cynics you need. Hell pisses us into you.

Poly and Fascinate x x

inferno

item #0090

In its *ness, the Clearing - that ceaseless numerical accord, which surveys all fauna and each onward, ur-religious practice of same - will, by-the-by, billionise its dedicated members, seconding them to versions of Christianity neither revolutionary nor natural. The Clearing is infinitely uneven; a clown happening, a rightist beforing, an eyes-shut Westernised indistinction, awaiting silent defeat, stagnation and igmony. Angels ... all you angels, you fisting tropes of disunity, we call upon your parent states, in the Americas, up and down, across Europe and Eurasia, to the scattered islands of Oceania, to the African hulk, to the frozen wastes ... modalities, modalities ... singularities ... We call upon you to populate. We call upon you to percentage as a citizenry, to give and to convert. We are not too late. There may soon be more functioning. GM

item #3035

Only my brother will benefit from this post... I know he reads these boards, and I have no other way of attempting to contact him. So, please, everyone else, give us some privacy.

Dearest, I am quite the sensualist these days. You will not know me now. I say this in the hope that you, my other half, might some day share in the relationships I have built. I am interested in the same cornerstones you once drew my attention to. I am something of a late developer, I know. But now my life is as sane as yours once was. I am aware of those around our family who have pretended and those who, lacking even that ability, have opted to shock you with news, all false, of my wanderings. I am still with the same two gods, believe me dear. I never left them. I never squandered what we made. It is 'they' who are animals, not us. I remain chaste until we meet. Message here and I will come to you.

J

item #0081

This is our final posting. To all our good friends here - goodbye and thank you. We have reconsidered an essential part of living, and we will no longer strive to interfere in the affairs of others, either intentionally or unintentionally. We are closing the door. We are consumed with this action, just as we are consumed by what it means to do so. We feel utterly and lovingly disproportionate. We feel tantamount to the bad penny. We are happy not to resist our urges at last. We will not return. First and foremost, we will have no further appearance. Our efforts are all towards going and staying where we go to. You will not make us stay here just as you cannot prevent us from going. Everything we are planning will take as long as it takes. We will not be appreciative of any other timescale. Life outside of this arena cannot hold our articulations. We are all out of conversation. We intend to subject one another to one another only. This means we are complete.

Anons

item #0048

for those with geographical problems, follow the numbered compulsory instructions below. to book your appointment, do the same.

note. i am never personal. i am signed initially, but only by way of your enquiries. i cannot comprehensively delete everything. please, only intelligent mail. thank you in advance.

1. fortunation, oh cities of dis
2. spill as carrion, accepting
3. dial a for asunder

cheers. killy

item #0892

I am back... older, wiser. My passions are fully-fashioned, now. I am clarified and I am clear. Emotional encasement was my punishment, and I served my time in good faith and with an open heart. My credentials are thus flawless and platonic. You were so right ... adoration has no mercy, and I take no pleasure in its candid administrations. The irony is, as you predicted, as delicious as it is painful. I simply cannot get out of range. Formality is sensual. How did I ever believe otherwise? I am no longer particular. I no longer enjoy the comic torment

of my imagination. Please, my only true friend, do not be gentle. Do not caress my face, as you have before. I have no delicious aroma. I am, instead, newly-devoted towards permission-seeking.

item #0937

It's my birthday today, and I'm 37. No big deal, numerically. No big watershed, numerically. But it's the first time I've ever celebrated a birthday alone. So, for me, it feels like something special, or at least something different. No breakfast in bed; no candles on a cake; no toast to my good health. No many happy returns. So, I'm sharing this ... well, this personal pain, I admit it ... with a fucking computer screen; tapping in my woes into the meaningless cyber abyss; for no other reason than to put my feelings into words, to see them, and to read them. I feel like Crusoe on some desert island. No-one cares, I know; but cancer took my love, my reason to live. He died, and I am utterly alone, an unlucky girl :(

Update: I'm not looking for anything or anyone. Stop messaging me.

item #3975

i was abby here before. bit shocked i ended up back but when thigns wer better i knew i woud b. not warning you i feel good LOL ok, anyway i told you he was very busy for a day and i would not go til evening, maybe 5 or 6 hours. well there after i went back to his stuipid reception to be booked in a dark little room, again. was some confusion as when i went on to floor i stayed there frigtned for another hour. i was a nurse. he got me it. i did not know i was paying for a surgery untill my now old friend got small minded on me. it was a hot day i coundt brethe. i came out of my room sicker and bad mood. i given a sedative at 3 pm, and was told was going to be woken up back in my room. my head was covered. and under my chin i was tied down. sleept for a night. had a reahere bad night. i wable and got no sleep. rea knew a little headache, but didnt care about it or me. they took my Bp. it was lower now 110/5. toldd to sleep but coud not. About 7 i neddded to pee, and bloody spit. bed was all wet and i could not move. call the nurse

item #0228

We seek an exchange of devotion. We trust no-one, however. So the onus is on you to faithfully authenticate. We are in the US, but are originally from Western Europe. We could nurture. We could cherish. We could care. But we prefer to fantasise about ideals. We are serious, meanwhile, though; we are, moreover, nominal and inclined. Insofar as we include anything suitably operative, trans-histories form arrays, we feel; that is, if you were right for us, such things transform the blathered, unquestioning confidences of this arena into new forms of hope.

[sic] bed